Yesterday as I was exiting my gym (looking all manly and buff as I limped to my car) I noticed an SUV with writing on the back window. It said "In loving memory", a name, and "1980-2003". This is the first time I'd ever seen an automative memorial, and initially I found it quite touching. On reflection, I can't decide whether it's touching or gauche.
I've always disliked the ritual of cemetaries; the headstones are built for the family, not the deceased, and are rarely visited. In fact if someone is visiting the headstone often, it's normally a sign that they haven't moved on. And it's not as if the dead body needs a six foot plot. I do like the idea of some kind of memorial though. I find the idea of putting the ashes in an urn even less creepy than graveyards - though my favorite use of ashes is
turning them into diamonds. For myself, I've always fancied the idea of having a bust of my head made so any hypothetical grieving children would have that as a reminder. I also like the old tradition of big portraits of family members from days gone by - but that requires big houses.
The nice thing about the automotive memorial is that it's not only a constant reminder for the family, but it's also externally facing. It serves as a reminder even to people who would not go to the headstone.
The fact that it's a constant reminder is also a disadvantage, though. How hard is it to move on when you see your dead daughter's name every time you look in the rear view mirror?
There are other problems too. If you haven't washed your car lately, are you showing disrespect for the dead? Do you get the memorial on every car? If more than one family member dies (say, grandparents) do you start putting memorials on the side windows? And does being relegated to a side window mean you matter less than the person on the rear window?
Lastly, as I mentioned before, the concept is a little gauche simply because it's on an automobile. Do you want to put a memorial in the same place others put bumper stickers?
