4 things to look for in a relationship

I participated in an interesting discussion tonight on relationships. I have been thinking lately about what has made my past relationships work and what had made them flop, and there are 4 things I currently look for when I'm dating:

1) Cultural Affinity - The movie High Fidelity covered this subject briefly. The idea of what I call cultural affinity is a shared knowledge of cultural references. People who have read the same books, seen the same movies, etc share a lot of cultural affinity. Plenty of good relationships have been built without cultural affinity, but for me, my sense of humor is tied up in cultural references. If I drop a joke in a conversation that comes from a line in an Indiana Jones movie, it really helps if she recognizes it. Cultural affinity is part of what it takes to "get" me, and vice versa.

2) Chemistry - What can be said about chemistry that hasn't been covered by Shakespeare or the great poets? I look for women I find exciting, and who find me exciting. This is the biggest deal-breaking factor for me, and for most young people, I find.

3) Shared Enthusiasm - This is something that both people are passionate about; often it's something the man and woman share with each other and not with their friends. It's a bonding element that makes the relationship unique, and makes the couple an "us". It could be a shared hobby, or a particular band that both like; a political cause, a charity, a life goal. It could just be a set of shared experiences from dating. There's no hard-and-fast rule on what it should be, but relationships without this element are usually less than what it could be. If I begin a relationship with a shared enthusiasm, the relationship normally gets much stronger much faster, and will last longer.

4) Compatible Intellect - This one is more peculiar to my relationships than most people's. I'm constantly coming up with weird ideas, theories and whatnot. I like to be able to share these with my SO and I find that smart women can communicate with me in a very high-bandwidth way that I find quite sexy. Some of my best relationships are with women who are smarter than I. It's awkward, on the other hand, being in a relationship with a woman who I don't feel like I can talk to about some things. I don't like being in a relationship where part of me is closed off from her.

In retrospect, the relationships I've been in that have flopped are the ones where one of these four was missing from the outset. This list omits a lot of things that are implied in any good relationship, romantic or not - mutual respect, good communication, etc.